too bad you live with your parents still
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
