note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
