If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
