You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
