Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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