Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
