in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize