Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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