things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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