So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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