the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize