A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
