I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
