he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
