there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
