hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
