alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
