HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
