I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
