the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
