She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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