he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
