You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It was confusing and full of hummus
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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