mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
