youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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