I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
