i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
