the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
