hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
