Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
