i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
