would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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