AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
