My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
