Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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