Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize