I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
