So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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