he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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