Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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