I wish I could teleport
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
