What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
