the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
