I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
