I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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