She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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