I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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