Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
