If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
