You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize