And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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