i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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