i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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