how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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