His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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