Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
