i need an iv and a liver transplant
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
