It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
