I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize