we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
