I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
