I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize