it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
