Someone shit on the floor
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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