Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Randomize
