My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize