An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
