So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need a beard to bite.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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