Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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