I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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