How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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