i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
