all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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