I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
