ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
