ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
