dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this hospital has no fireball
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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