I want to stick my p in your. b.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
