fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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