My friends, they love my intelligence
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's blow job season.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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