I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
