I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
