you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
