it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize