did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
