hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
