I puked a lego.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dick very happy bro
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize