iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
