Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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