I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
