Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
