I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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