hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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