She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
