Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
