I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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