i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
