cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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