Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
