I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
