Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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